Just within this past hour that elapsed.........my heart poured out some of what an observer of grief might to do come alongside, and some heartfelt experiences to help an observer know what not to do.  This was added to a comment on another site.......

  Then, I received an email from my husband's brother's wife.  She and hubby chose not to have kids. Their lives have been full of attaining properties and other things. All of their things will stay behind here on earth, and their hearts, well.......they have not been open to God.   The whole family will go to their island in a large beautiful lake here in MN and stay in one of four dwellings they own. One is a year round home, one is a log lodge.  another is a sweet cabin they remodeled after they had the log lodge built.  another is a cabin on a lot they wanted, with a liveable bedroom,the rest shambles.   Anyhow, the conversations have been about the weekend this week.

  Yesterday we were asked, when will we arrive, ( two weeks from now ) and when will we leave.  

 Yesterday was our late son's birthday.  No mention is ever ever ever made of his having lived by them.   We had a rough go of the past week. 

  I replied to her question by saying.......Today is Brian's birthday.  This has been a hard week, Denny has had a difficult time with no one talking about Brian or remembering him, it seems... and when we get into the next couple of days, we will figure out when and get back to you.

  Her email.  

Tucker and I talked about Brian's birthday and the anniversary of his death—we continue remember him frequently.  We don't feel the need to inform you or Denny of our remembrances of him—we want to support you in moving forward.
I am sorry Denny is struggling and his behavior is troubling you.  Are you still in grief counseling?
We look forward to seeing you at MooreFest.

  Makes it clear to me right now that their continued purposeful ignorance comes from goofy information.  And, I am right now really not looking forward to MooreFest, my stomach feels ill thinking of going to be with people who WON"T speak Brian's name, ever.

 We sent super good arcticles from the Compassionate Friends ( a support for bereaved parents ) to each of the siblings and our parents, in the second year of this journey.  Those journals gave strong research on grief, healthy grief, how to respond to child loss etc....

  guess they were recycled. Least I hope at least that Mr. and Mrs. planet earth did not add them to a landfill somewhere.

   as for me, I have take my emotions about her wording and cold indifference ( my perception, I know ) and lay them at the throne of grace. I need to be gracious. I want to reflect my Lord.  Much as I wish they'd read about healthy ways to respond to grief, they are business people, who stay far from emotions of others, purposefully.  God, please reach them.

  My soul is satisfied in my Jesus, in His provision for me.  He walks with me in the storms. He brings a cool cup of water to tenderly minister to my dry sad heart, when it's time.  Faithful.  The kind thoughts written to me, to us, cool water for our tear soaked hearts. God please bless each kind heart who reaches out to anyone hurting this way.......

  Our 4th of July memories these past eight years, were changed to a memory of no holiday, but a scorching hot day, spent with one quite aged man, in a cemetary..........the man who was in charge of this "job" was of course on a 4rh of July vacation, as indeed WE had also been, till our son was killed at work.   The aged gentleman tried his best to help two shattered shocked sleep deprived parents find a spot for their son's casket.  He went home, at last, to get his metal detector, and his old plot map.  It is a tiny cemetary, owned by an area church......the board had plans for making it more soothing with landscaping... but we knew naught of that.  I only remember sitting on a concrete bench for hours.  Watching my husband and this kind old man crawl on the dried up grass carefully  measuring from marker etc...to find a place to lay our son's body to rest.   I truly am not trying for drama depth when I state "hours".   It was.  The gent had brougth back a tiny cooler with ice and bottled water or maybe it was juice, I remember the beautiful graciousness of the gesture most.

  Every year has brought it's own memories since.  The first three are mostly lost in the shock and the deep sorrow, the mourning.  The years after that have some memories dappled across them, his friends began to marry, we went to a few one summer, blessed to be there, glad to be included........ to be able to celebrate, then the tears in the next couple hours afterward.  Can't help but miss him.  You love well, you grieve much.  And who would not miss their own child, in the crowd their child blended in with, moved and grew with?  It would be far more odd to find hearts so cold that the missing does not occur.

  This year, living in Duluth........so far, a new season.......oh the missing is always a grief shadow....some days you'd hardly know.  But we do.  

  This year, my week of his heaven date found me being flexible, ministering at my daughter's home.  Her, with health issues that SHE knew were not regular to her abdominal surgery a month ago.........these involved numbness on her right side only, face to toes.  Muscle sluggishness, or taughtness, on that side only.   Many appointments for her childeren that had to be kept,  so I went with or stayed home, I did dishes, I changed diapers, I soothed wee hearts.....did the night shift so she and hubby could sleep better.  Took two home with me on Thursday, Brian's heaven date.  Welcomed the rest of them on the date he became an organ donor.  We welcomed our other son, and his lovely beloved fiancee that day too!  The house here bloomed and blossomed activity and laughter..... and the blessed quiet when each tiny face is kissed and tucked in for sweet rest at night.  I got to go "out" with my two wonderful children and their dearest ones, while hubby tended the evening after bedtime hours.  That was sweet water to my soul.

  We took the little ones to Lief Erickson park , to watch the fireworks!   We watched 15 month old dear boy light up with delight as he played and watched the pretty colors flashing over the harbor.... my heart was warmed to watch my daughter snuggle with her two daughters on a blanket, as they watched and oooooohed and awwwed.   My heart sang a new song, imagining the fun our other son and his beloved were having, as they rode bikes to the shore near our home, to sit alone on rocks and watch their first Duluth fireworks as an engaged soon to be married couple.  Glory to You, God, for You are so good to us. 

  Sunday, worship together.........daughter's family leaving after a chaotic noisy lunchtime!  Nearly five year old gdaughter stayed with us, she is bathing, whilst I type, but I must now hang her sheets on the line in the sun....and we will wander to take tea with my aunt....... I hear her voice calling "gramma" so ...... bye ..... I have more new memories to make. 

  Son Brian's birthday is this Thursday.  We take this child home tomorrow, and pray about how to honor his life on his birthday, living here now.  We used to pay for lunch for students at Annie's Cafe, in Dinkytown.  This year's plan will unfold, I feel sure.

   Happy Birthday Eva!!!  God has blessed us so tenderly with your life!! and all of your THREE young years have been cherished every day!

   Cupcakes are baking, gifts are wrapped, grandpa's snoozin cuz it's drizzly outside and he can't work on that garage he's priming to paint.... we leave for the Cities in like an hour! to celebrate this precious life......

  Praying for dau, her health has wanted to keep her frazzled since the winter food allergies popped up and kept popping up.  Just no balance in her system, it seems to me.  Feels like she must move into each day with not only the busy life of a mom of four very young children....but with fears abounding.   I pray. And lie awake praying more.......   her recovery from repair surgery to her abodominal wall has been slow and her pain is great and spreading to even joints etc.... being "mom" does not retire at an age...   my girl is of slim build, eats healthy, when she remembers to......maybe she needs a nanny for herself for a while!  Her chiropractor is recommending a neurologist? any medical people reading??  She is frightened about what is going on with her used to be reliable body.

  This week is full of memories, and the emotions are strong, as this season is when our son/brother was killed.  July 2 marks eight years. The weather and the approaching holiday trigger all these heart shadows. 

  I remember I was packing and buying food etc for our camping trip... an annual one to Itasca State Park, near Bemidji..... where the Mississippi River is birthed.  Brian felt sure he could get days off to join us, the 4th was on Wednesday that year.  So we left, feeling awful to leave him behind, for the first time ever leaving a family member behind......  that was on June 30th, a Saturday.  Sunday we tried to call him, but our number was busy.  Maybe he was on the internet? or phone..... we'll never know.   We resolved to call him on Monday, when he would be home from work at the hot summer construction of townhomes site in St. Louis Park he was at, for college money............    instead, WE had a call.  The park ranger at our site handed us a post it note with the phone number of HCMC on it, with scribbled notation, " son Brian injured industrial accident"

and that is the beginning of our grief journey.

  I have had bouts of sudden out of nowhere tears this week.  It is the new normal.  My momma heart misses him.  Oh that is every hour, tho I dearly LOVE all three of my own...... he's always missing at our events.  I know he is in glory, I have found evidences of his faith decision in our move to here this winter, confirming what I did know... all in all........ I miss him here. 

  be blessed, people, and be a blessing.

 I'll be around maybe one day again, for now, I need to be with skin on people.... my heart aches huge.