Saturday, 27 June 2009

• The fullness

     Happy Birthday Eva!!!  God has blessed us so tenderly with your life!! and all of your THREE young years have been cherished every day!

     Cupcakes are baking, gifts are wrapped, grandpa's snoozin cuz it's drizzly outside and he can't work on that garage he's priming to paint.... we leave for the Cities in like an hour! to celebrate this precious life......

    Praying for dau, her health has wanted to keep her frazzled since the winter food allergies popped up and kept popping up.  Just no balance in her system, it seems to me.  Feels like she must move into each day with not only the busy life of a mom of four very young children....but with fears abounding.   I pray. And lie awake praying more.......   her recovery from repair surgery to her abodominal wall has been slow and her pain is great and spreading to even joints etc.... being "mom" does not retire at an age...   my girl is of slim build, eats healthy, when she remembers to......maybe she needs a nanny for herself for a while!  Her chiropractor is recommending a neurologist? any medical people reading??  She is frightened about what is going on with her used to be reliable body.

    This week is full of memories, and the emotions are strong, as this season is when our son/brother was killed.  July 2 marks eight years. The weather and the approaching holiday trigger all these heart shadows. 

    I remember I was packing and buying food etc for our camping trip... an annual one to Itasca State Park, near Bemidji..... where the Mississippi River is birthed.  Brian felt sure he could get days off to join us, the 4th was on Wednesday that year.  So we left, feeling awful to leave him behind, for the first time ever leaving a family member behind......  that was on June 30th, a Saturday.  Sunday we tried to call him, but our number was busy.  Maybe he was on the internet? or phone..... we'll never know.   We resolved to call him on Monday, when he would be home from work at the hot summer construction of townhomes site in St. Louis Park he was at, for college money............    instead, WE had a call.  The park ranger at our site handed us a post it note with the phone number of HCMC on it, with scribbled notation, " son Brian injured industrial accident"

  and that is the beginning of our grief journey.

    I have had bouts of sudden out of nowhere tears this week.  It is the new normal.  My momma heart misses him.  Oh that is every hour, tho I dearly LOVE all three of my own...... he's always missing at our events.  I know he is in glory, I have found evidences of his faith decision in our move to here this winter, confirming what I did know... all in all........ I miss him here. 

    be blessed, people, and be a blessing.

   I'll be around maybe one day again, for now, I need to be with skin on people.... my heart aches huge.

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