Monday, 06 July 2009
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humming a new thing
My soul is satisfied in my Jesus, in His provision for me. He walks with me in the storms. He brings a cool cup of water to tenderly minister to my dry sad heart, when it's time. Faithful. The kind thoughts written to me, to us, cool water for our tear soaked hearts. God please bless each kind heart who reaches out to anyone hurting this way.......
Our 4th of July memories these past eight years, were changed to a memory of no holiday, but a scorching hot day, spent with one quite aged man, in a cemetary..........the man who was in charge of this "job" was of course on a 4rh of July vacation, as indeed WE had also been, till our son was killed at work. The aged gentleman tried his best to help two shattered shocked sleep deprived parents find a spot for their son's casket. He went home, at last, to get his metal detector, and his old plot map. It is a tiny cemetary, owned by an area church......the board had plans for making it more soothing with landscaping... but we knew naught of that. I only remember sitting on a concrete bench for hours. Watching my husband and this kind old man crawl on the dried up grass carefully measuring from marker etc...to find a place to lay our son's body to rest. I truly am not trying for drama depth when I state "hours". It was. The gent had brougth back a tiny cooler with ice and bottled water or maybe it was juice, I remember the beautiful graciousness of the gesture most.
Every year has brought it's own memories since. The first three are mostly lost in the shock and the deep sorrow, the mourning. The years after that have some memories dappled across them, his friends began to marry, we went to a few one summer, blessed to be there, glad to be included........ to be able to celebrate, then the tears in the next couple hours afterward. Can't help but miss him. You love well, you grieve much. And who would not miss their own child, in the crowd their child blended in with, moved and grew with? It would be far more odd to find hearts so cold that the missing does not occur.
This year, living in Duluth........so far, a new season.......oh the missing is always a grief shadow....some days you'd hardly know. But we do.
This year, my week of his heaven date found me being flexible, ministering at my daughter's home. Her, with health issues that SHE knew were not regular to her abdominal surgery a month ago.........these involved numbness on her right side only, face to toes. Muscle sluggishness, or taughtness, on that side only. Many appointments for her childeren that had to be kept, so I went with or stayed home, I did dishes, I changed diapers, I soothed wee hearts.....did the night shift so she and hubby could sleep better. Took two home with me on Thursday, Brian's heaven date. Welcomed the rest of them on the date he became an organ donor. We welcomed our other son, and his lovely beloved fiancee that day too! The house here bloomed and blossomed activity and laughter..... and the blessed quiet when each tiny face is kissed and tucked in for sweet rest at night. I got to go "out" with my two wonderful children and their dearest ones, while hubby tended the evening after bedtime hours. That was sweet water to my soul.
We took the little ones to Lief Erickson park , to watch the fireworks! We watched 15 month old dear boy light up with delight as he played and watched the pretty colors flashing over the harbor.... my heart was warmed to watch my daughter snuggle with her two daughters on a blanket, as they watched and oooooohed and awwwed. My heart sang a new song, imagining the fun our other son and his beloved were having, as they rode bikes to the shore near our home, to sit alone on rocks and watch their first Duluth fireworks as an engaged soon to be married couple. Glory to You, God, for You are so good to us.
Sunday, worship together.........daughter's family leaving after a chaotic noisy lunchtime! Nearly five year old gdaughter stayed with us, she is bathing, whilst I type, but I must now hang her sheets on the line in the sun....and we will wander to take tea with my aunt....... I hear her voice calling "gramma" so ...... bye ..... I have more new memories to make.
Son Brian's birthday is this Thursday. We take this child home tomorrow, and pray about how to honor his life on his birthday, living here now. We used to pay for lunch for students at Annie's Cafe, in Dinkytown. This year's plan will unfold, I feel sure.
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