Friday, 10 July 2009

• baffled moment

    Just within this past hour that elapsed.........my heart poured out some of what an observer of grief might to do come alongside, and some heartfelt experiences to help an observer know what not to do.  This was added to a comment on another site.......

    Then, I received an email from my husband's brother's wife.  She and hubby chose not to have kids. Their lives have been full of attaining properties and other things. All of their things will stay behind here on earth, and their hearts, well.......they have not been open to God.   The whole family will go to their island in a large beautiful lake here in MN and stay in one of four dwellings they own. One is a year round home, one is a log lodge.  another is a sweet cabin they remodeled after they had the log lodge built.  another is a cabin on a lot they wanted, with a liveable bedroom,the rest shambles.   Anyhow, the conversations have been about the weekend this week.

    Yesterday we were asked, when will we arrive, ( two weeks from now ) and when will we leave.  

   Yesterday was our late son's birthday.  No mention is ever ever ever made of his having lived by them.   We had a rough go of the past week. 

    I replied to her question by saying.......Today is Brian's birthday.  This has been a hard week, Denny has had a difficult time with no one talking about Brian or remembering him, it seems... and when we get into the next couple of days, we will figure out when and get back to you.

    Her email.  

  Tucker and I talked about Brian's birthday and the anniversary of his death—we continue remember him frequently.  We don't feel the need to inform you or Denny of our remembrances of him—we want to support you in moving forward.
  I am sorry Denny is struggling and his behavior is troubling you.  Are you still in grief counseling?
  We look forward to seeing you at MooreFest.

    Makes it clear to me right now that their continued purposeful ignorance comes from goofy information.  And, I am right now really not looking forward to MooreFest, my stomach feels ill thinking of going to be with people who WON"T speak Brian's name, ever.

   We sent super good arcticles from the Compassionate Friends ( a support for bereaved parents ) to each of the siblings and our parents, in the second year of this journey.  Those journals gave strong research on grief, healthy grief, how to respond to child loss etc....

    guess they were recycled. Least I hope at least that Mr. and Mrs. planet earth did not add them to a landfill somewhere.

     as for me, I have take my emotions about her wording and cold indifference ( my perception, I know ) and lay them at the throne of grace. I need to be gracious. I want to reflect my Lord.  Much as I wish they'd read about healthy ways to respond to grief, they are business people, who stay far from emotions of others, purposefully.  God, please reach them.

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